So the past two days have been somewhat… lack luster. Emotionless to be precise. I don’t feel bad (which is good); I don’t exactly feel anything at all (which is, er, not so good).

I have this nagging suspicion that I could be given tragic news that should devastate me and it wouldn’t affect me at all. I’m an unfeeling zombie. Empty.

I listen to music, and watch and think about things that used to make me feel and… zilch. The tears flow, but it’s just muscle memory. They aren’t real; don’t even feel real.

I don’t know what this is. I don’t feel depressed (as I’m used to feeling it), but I don’t feel like myself either. I’m definitely not hypomanic. Is this my normal? Should I be content with this? Is this stability? If so… it fucking sucks!


2 thoughts on “Numb

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  1. Maybe it’s the medication you’re taking, or how much is being taken? Besides that, the mind has a way of protecting itself, particularly if witnessing events (real or not) that may be triggering…

    I’ve had my share of numb coming off of strong feelings… Emotions can bottom out too. There’s definitely something internal going on. But just because you’re a bit disconnected from feeling doesn’t mean you’re empty. Feeling “empty” sometimes also comes with the territory of bipolar, right?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is possible that the meds have something to do with it. I’m on pretty low doses of everything though. Sigh. You’re right, I guess it’s just part of the illness. Pretty crappy… but at least I’m not depressed anymore. Silver linings and all that.


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