A pretty little petal
Laden with a heart of sand
Betrayed the stinging nettle
And set out across the land

It withers in the sunshine
But travels by the tide of night
And when the crooked skies align
It glows its own peculiar light

Picked up by a traveler
On a roll and restless tumble
And with its lustrous splendor
It caused his horse to stumble

Then one still and eery eve
Its tiny heart began to stir
It left that startled horse bereaved
And devoured the traveler

A mighty big flower
Unladen by its own hand
Causes wandering men to cower
And dominates this land

But closely look behind its glow
And see a sight to grieve
As its spines begin to grow
A pretty little petal leaves

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I wake!
And when I woke
My eyes saw nothing but darkness

I search the corners of my mind
What is that feeling left behind?

I sit!
And when I sat
My ears heard nothing but silence

I look and look but cannot find
That feeling that I left behind

I laugh!
And though I laughed
My heart felt nothing but sadness

I cry out for my other kind
The feeling that I left behind

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We live in a time
Where things aren’t meant to rhyme
Where we keep our mouths shut
And pretend that we’re fine

To do otherwise
Is annoying and weak
No one likes a complainer
With the courage to speak

Sit down and eat
The meal that you’ve got
Finish your plate of
Half-cooked glam-rot

Fight through each day
Hating your life
Then get on your knees
And give thanks for your strife

We live in a time
Where we aren’t meant to whine
Where we bury our struggle
And pretend that we’re fine


Maybe, just maybe
If we all voiced our concern
Opened our hearts
And let our pain burn

The light from the flames
Might spread far and wide
And chase off the darkness
That swells deep inside

Perhaps then we would see
The solutions we crave
A way to clean up
The mess that we’ve made


With me
Or at me
I’ll never know

This smile on my face
Is purely for show

Bad things
Or worse
Nothing at all

Who knew my soul
Could feel so small


I wish I had
Taken more photos with you
Held your hand more
Listened to you better

I thought I had more time
And that was my mistake

You will live on
Through every soul
You touched
And there are many


A black anvil of paranoia

Swings between my ears

Back and forth on fraying rope

It falls with all my fears


Pain sits upon my shattered brow

And doubt seeps in the cracks

Round and round the thought wheel goes

With no regard for facts


My jaw and face and head all ache

The weight is bearing down

You cannot see what’s hurting me

Yet judge my constant frown


But wear my skin just for a day

Climb in and walk around

We’ll see how much you’re smiling then

How much joy you’ve found


Approval’s all I seek from you

Why I do not know

My own is all that matters now

Acceptance makes it so


Things have clicked

And here I sit

Stability in hand


Neuroses soothed

Muscles relaxed

Still waters cleared of sand


The path ahead

Stretches seen

In my mind’s calm eye


Peace has settled

In my head

A state no one can buy


I went walking in the nearby park during my lunch break today. At the start of it I felt awful – that aching, empty feeling that I can never seem to describe. But as I moved deeper into the park the serenity of the place began to soothe and centre me.

I sat in a shaded area by a pond, and watched turtles swimming beneath the surface. Three ducks drifted by among fallen petals and leaves, their pinks and yellows gorgeously bright against the dark green water, and I realized something profound.

My time in Taiwan is limited, and so far I’ve spent the majority of it worrying that I’m not doing things right – at work, in my relationship, in preparation for my future. I have been so wrapped up in my own fears that I’ve hardly seen the beauty around me.

I want to start noticing things and being in each day, instead of merely getting through it. I want to experience the current moment, be it good or bad or even nothing at all, rather than obsessing over those that lie ahead. I want to breathe more. I feel like I’ve been holding my breath for over a year.


Validation – the cry for it is everywhere you look. Like my selfie, retweet my words, read my blog. See me. Hear me. Accept me. We are all, in some way, desperately seeking the approval of others. But that’s not what this post is about. This post is about feelings – shocker right? Me, talk about feelings… how surprising (^_^)

When people come to us with their woes and heartache the natural instinct is to want to help. The majority of us possess empathy, and seeing someone we care about in distress upsets us. We want to fix their problems and make the bad feelings go away. I myself have done this many times throughout my life. However, I have slowly come to realize that, while this is a noble endeavor, the way you go about helping someone is of vital importance.

For me, one of the main reasons I don’t always reach out to people is because often their way of trying to help actually makes me feel worse. No one can change or solve another’s issues, nor should they have to. That is only something we can each try to figure out for ourselves.

What someone who is going through hell really needs is not a flurry of fixits, but a form of validation. They need someone to care enough to recognize and acknowledge their pain. What they don’t need is to be told to look on the bright side. They need someone willing to listen and simply be there while they battle whatever is hurting them.

You can’t fight my monster for me, but you can support me while I learn to do it myself.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been battling and just wanted to hear the words “I’m sorry you’re hurting, it sucks but I still love you and will always be here”. Those words are so comforting and powerful.

So often I hear people say things like “everyone has struggles”, thinking that they are putting things into perspective. Thanks for your groundbreaking insight, but that actually does nothing to alleviate mine (as I assume you may have intended). Saying something like that only invalidates my pain, and makes me feel guilty for feeling it in the first place.

Yes, everyone suffers. Yes, millions of people have it worse than me. Guess what? I still feel like shit. Your “logical” reasoning does not serve as a magic cure for my depression. You mean well I know, but all you are doing is exposing your lack of understanding about what is going on inside my head.

But here’s the kicker – I’m not asking you to understand it (hell I don’t understand it half the time). All I’m asking for is you to love me enough to sit with me in the dark a while.

Back when I worked at a crisis line we were taught in training to “walk beside” our callers. Meaning, don’t run ahead of them and force a solution on them (even if you think you see one), but stay with them in all their pain and discomfort. Guide them to find their own solutions – ones that work for them, not you.

It’s not easy to do, and we may fail as much as we succeed, but sticking by someone as they figure things out is one of the kindest things we can do as human beings.

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